NFL 2017 Week 14 Recap

Rage Against ToutsI love it when archaic institutions are exposed as fraudulent and thus rendered obsolete forevermore. Whether they’re judicial, governmental, or religious, it’s great to see hypocrites getting busted for something terrible and leaving their BS professional lives in disgrace. I can’t help but smile as I watch established organizations rot from the inside – it’s a beautiful and natural process. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Today it was the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame that drank too many shots of bourbon, passed out on the couch, shit their pants, and then rolled onto the floor as everyone at the party looked on in anger and disgust. A tinge of confusion in the air shared by those still conscious and alert, wondering how someone could willfully be so negligent and void their bowels in such a heinous and public manner. Thankfully, most people at this party are industry experts who have always known that the R&R HoF is one of the biggest jokes in all of organized entertainment, and now they have finally exposed themselves in an inalterable way that should never be forgotten.

Let us all remember for the rest of time that on the 13th of December, 2017, it was decided by douchey musical elites that Bon Jovi is a better group than Rage Against the Machine, forever cementing Tico Torres and Richie Sambora into history as members of “one of the greatest bands of all time”. Most who are familiar with the group would have assumed that Sambora would be a first ballot entry into both the “DUI HoF” and the “Banging a Girl Half Your Age HoF”, but today’s honor is somewhat surprising to many observers.

In addition, the jackasses at the R&R HoF also decided today that…

  • Nina Simone is better than LL Cool J.
  • The Moody Blues are better than Judas Priest.
  • The Cars are better than Radiohead.

ARE YOU FUQIN’ KIDDING ME!?! Look at that list!! Now I love The Cars just as much as the next pervy dude at the singles lounge who arrived in a TransAm with a pocket full of uppers, but JFC…more influential to music than RADIOHEAD!? This is officially when the R&R HoF pulled off their poopy pants and used them as a luxurious floor pillow, smearing their swollen, ignorant faces into the rancid faeces they had birthed just moments before. You don’t have to be the world’s biggest Radiohead fan to agree that OK Computer is infinitely better than Heartbeat City. Facts are facts.

Bon Jovi PartyingNow most of you are too young to remember Judas Priest, but please believe me when I tell you that for 14 months in the early 1980s they were the best heavy metal band in the world, going toe to toe with Iron Maiden for the Heavy Weight Championship belt. Rob Halford screamed like no other frontman and K.K. Downing worked his guitar into a frenzy on every amazing song – nobody rocked harder than Priest. The Moody Blues had one decent song that reached it’s pinnacle in the 1995 film Casino, ….annnnd? Ya – the R&R HoF voting makes total sense. I’m not even going to go into The Meters getting shunned – YouTube their stuff and then tell me that their funky hot fire didn’t deserve to be recognized. Whatever – The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is Officially Dead. And I couldn’t be happier.

Now why am I giving you a Rock & Roll History rant on a website that sells gambling picks and promotes the rabid consumption of crustaceans? Because obviously we are the Rage Against the Machine of the online sports betting world…

  • We disrupt the norms of touting.
  • We refuse to follow the standard reporting of gambling records.
  • We don’t get recognized for our ground-breaking performances and influence on our industry.
  • We’ve literally changed the rules (for betting props at certain online sportsbooks).
  • We do things our way each and every goddam day.

We are the anti-touts. We are the anarchists of sports betting. We are the Renegades of Funk

So if we’re the RATM of gambling picks, every other tout has to be the Bon Jovi, right? Teased hair, leopard printed scarves, bullet belts, plastic bracelets, cigarillos, and drinking wine straight out of the bottle like goofballsand without a lobster dinner to go with it?! Shameful. Not even Jon Bon Jovi’s piercing falsetto at the end of Runaway can distract me from their classless actions and smug arrogance. So remember kids – if you buy your gambling picks from anyone else but the Sports Information Network, you are buying from tight-jeaned dipshits from New Jersey who don’t give a crap about you and just want to bang your girlfriend on the tour bus.

Calm down Jersey Meatballs, I don’t want to receive any hate mail – every time I’m in your area and “Livin’ on a Prayer” comes on at the bar at 2am I’m the first one out on the dance floor. It’s always good to have established your turf before the single moms in acid-wash and crop-tops come stampeding in to relive the 2 best months of their lives in high school when they were sexually active but not yet impregnated. Gina dreams of running away…When she cries in the night…Tommy whispers, Baby, it’s okay…Someday…

**************************************

So as the RATM of gambling, we continue to refuse to fudge our record and be 100% transparent with the picks that our paid members received. Here is everything that you would have gotten last week if you would have coughed over $39 on Thursday. Scroll down to the very bottom of this article to enjoy a D-KNOT curated YouTube Playlist of a few of todays’ snubbed artists. Or don’t scroll down to the very bottom – up to you, Meatball.

 

NFL Week 14 Results

Game Lines: 6-4

Falcons +1.5 W

Saints/Falcons o51.5 L

Seahawks +2.5 L

Raiders +4 L

San Francisco +2.5 W

Packers -2.5 -120 W

Panthers +2.5 -110 W

LA Rams ML -110 L

Ravens +5.5 W

Dolphins +10.5  W

 

Props: 40-35

Thursday Night Football

Tevin Coleman (ATL) Rushing+Receiving Yards u56.5 -115 W

Mohamed Sanu (ATL) Receiving Yards u48.5 -115 L

Mark Ingram (NO) Rushing Yards u72.5 -120 W

Mohamed Sanu (ATL) Receiving Yards u47.5 +100 L

Michael Thomas (NO) Receptions u5.5 +150 L

Tevin Coleman (ATL) Rushing+Receiving Yards u57.5 -120 W

Mark Ingram (NO) Rushing Yards u67.5 -125 W

Michael Thomas (NO) Receptions u6 -110 L

Mark Ingram (NO) Rushing Yards u72.5 -115 W

 

Sunday

Blake Bortles (JAX) Passing Yards +32.5 +110 v Wilson W

Russell Wilson (SEA) Completions u22.5 -110 W

Latavius Murray (MIN) Rushing Yards -10.5 -110 v Stewart L

Latavius Murray (MIN) Rushing Yards o56.5 -110 L

Jamaal Williams (GB) Rushing Yards -2.5 +100 v Crowell L

Isaiah Crowell (CLE) Rushing Yards u52.5 -120 L

DeSean Jackson (TB) Receiving Yards +14.5 -115 v Jones Jr L

Eric Ebron (DET) Receiving Yards +10.5 -115 v Brate W

Andy Dalton (CIN) Passing Yards -20.5 -115 v Trubisky L

Latavius Murray (MIN) Rushing Yards -2.5 -115 v Stewart L

Corey Coleman (CLE) Receiving Yards +2.5 -130 v Cobb W

Lamar Miller (HOU) Rushing Yards -2.5 -115 v Hyde L

Larry Fitzgerald (ARI) Receiving Yards -14.5 -115 v Matthews W

Case Keenum (MIN) Passing Yards u255.5 -110 L

Kyle Rudolph (MIN) Receiving Yards u48.5 -125 W

Adam Theilen (MIN) Receiving Yards u81.5 -110 L

Tyreke Hill (KC) Receiving Yards o61.5 -110 W

Doug Martin (TB) Rushing Yards u60.5 -120 W

Jordan Howard (CHI) Rushing Yards u78.5 -115 L

TY Hilton (IND) Receiving Yards u62.5 -115 W

LeSean McCoy (BUF) Rushing Yards u86.5 -115 L

Case Keenum (MIN) Passing Yards u250.5 -115 L

Jerick McKinnon (MIN) Rush+Receiving Yards u60.5 -115 W

Jonathan Stewart (CAR) Rushing Yards u44.5 -115 L

Isaiah Crowell (CLE) Rushing Yards u58.5 +100 L

Duke Johnson (CLE) Rushing+Receiving u58.5 -115 W

Jimmy Garoppolo (SF) Completions u22.5 -115 W

Dak Prescott (DAL) Rushing Yards u25.5 -125 W

Alfred Morris (DAL) Rushing Yards u77.5 -115 W

Marvin Jones Jr (DET) Receiving Yards u62.5 -105 L

Cameron Brate (TB) Receiving Yards u34.5 -105 W

Jacoby Brissett (IND) Rushing Yards u17.5 -115 W

Russel Wilson (SEA) Passing Yards u248.5 -125 W

Josh Doctson (WAS) Receiving Yards o38.5 +100 L

Hunter Henry (SD) Receiving Yards u47.5 -120 L

Rishard Matthews (TEN) Receiving Yards u46.5 -115 W

Carson Wentz (PHI) Passing Yards u252.5 -115 L

Jay Ajayi (PHI) Rushing Yards u48.5 -115 L

Todd Gurley (LAR) Receiving Yards u41.5 -115 W

Marcus Mariota (TEN) Rushing Yards o17.5 +100 L

Josh Doctson (WAS) Receiving Yards o34.5 -120 L

CJ Anderson (DEN) Rushing Yards o44.5 -110 W

Jared Goff (LAR) Passing Yards -2.5 -105 L

Todd Gurley (LAR) Rushing Yards -17.5 -120 v Blount W

Jared Goff (LAR) Passing Yards o257.5 +115 L

Vernon Davis (WAS) Receiving Yards o42.5 +115 L

Josh Doctson (WAS) Receiving Yards o39.5 +125 L

Doug Baldwin (SEA) Receiving Yards o55.5 +100 W

Jay Ajayi (PHI) Rushing Yards u48.5 -130 L

 

Sunday Night Football

Jeremy Maclin (BAL) Receiving Yards u40.5 -115 W

Ben Roethlisberger (PIT) Passing Yards u267.5 -105 L

Martavis Bryant (PIT) Receiving Yards u42.5 -105 W

Martavis Bryant (PIT) Receiving Yards u40.5 -105 W

Jeremy Maclin (BAL) Receiving Yards u42.5 -130 W

Martavis Bryant (PIT) Receiving Yards u42.5 +110 W

Mike Wallace (BAL) receiving Yards -5.5 v Bryant W

 

Monday Night Football

Dion Lewis (NE) Rushing Yards u67.5 -110 W

Jarvis Landry (MIA) Receiving Yards u64.5 -115 W

Devante Parker (MIA) Receiving Yards u36.5 -120 L

Devante Parker (MIA) Receiving Yards u37.5 +115 L

Dion Lewis (NE) Rushing Yards u68.5 -120 W

Dion Lewis (NE) Rushing+Receiving Yards u72.5 +100 W

Devante Parker (MIA) Receiving Yards u35.5 +130 L

Jarvis Landry (MIA) Receiving Yards u64.5 -110 W

Devante Parker (MIA) Receiving Yards u44.5 -130 W

Julius Thomas (MIA) Receiving Yards u30.5 -135 W

 

Game Lines Season: 69-45-4 (60.5%)

Props Season: 529-371-3 (58.8%)

So who do you want to buy your picks from? Tico Torres or Tom Mothafukin’ Morello? The choice should be obvious.

Lobster Life is 10% about the lobster and 90% about the freedom to do what you want. That’s what money buys you…freedom. The freedom to go anywhere you want for dinner, and the freedom to order whatever you want from the menu…including succulent lobsters. So if you want more freedom in your life, buy our NFL Picks package today. It really is that simple.

What better place than here? What better time than now?



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OFFICIAL D-KNOT PLAYLIST OF SNUBBED ARTISTS:

Let’s start things off with Judas Priest’s historic performance at the US Festival in 1983, the year that Heavy Metal was finally accepted as a “real” musical genre. (Other awesome highlights you can check out from this weekend include Mötley Crüe, Quite Riot, Van Halen, and The Clash.)

Next up is LL Cool J performing on the 1987 Def Jam Tour. Sadly the quality isn’t the greatest but you can definitely see why he is one of the greatest rappers of all time who helped to push hip hop into the mainstream, (and don’t you dare sleep on his DJ, Cut Creator).

And finally we have Radiohead live at the Hammerstein Ballroom in 1997 on their epic OK Computer Tour. What could even be said about this? Absolutely amazing…

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY YOU CAN’T STOP US NOW.

D-KNOT OUT

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