Sometimes I forget what it’s like to have a life above ground, mingling with fresh-faced humans, gainfully employed, a steady pay check coming every 10 business days, and the warm comfort of normality. I, like most people, used to work in a cubical, didn’t like my boss, and generally felt that the whole thing was a waste of time. Then I realized things didn’t have to be this way.
I crunched the numbers and knew I’d be happier working from my basement for 25% of what I was making, but being my own boss and not having to answer to anyone. The allure of working in my pyjamas and having my first drink of the evening at 4pm every day were the cherries on top, and I haven’t had to worry about an income for quite some time.
In addition to making steady money using our profitable gambling guides, I’m actually starting to make friends through Twitter. Yup, it’s true. And it’s because of these friends that I’m able to write this recap – because I have no idea what plays were. I’m being 100% honest…I personally don’t stake them, my girlfriend does.
All of these guys spend hours every day shopping lines and finding edges and then they send out the sheet. I get the same sheet our members do, at the same time. After they’ve gotten down we get ours. Between losing money on cryptocurrency, investigating random stock tips people on Twitter send me, and reality television, I honestly don’t have the time so my girlfriend just goes in and hammers everything. She requests the payouts to her bank account, and then all vacations, concert tickets, and dinners come out of there. Does she dip into it to buy shoes? Of course she does, but who cares? It’s literally free money. At least that’s how I look at it.
I’m just a crappy retail fool who would rather be laying down on 8 team parlays, but I happen to know a large group of professional handicappers and experts due to my previous professional life. #BLESSED. So now I get paid like they do because I can make a
burner phone of a website and can string a few sentences together for a recap 25 times a year. Ain’t life grand?
So yes, I am the “drunk and high Ovechkin in a nightclub” who just sits there like a dummy and gets paid. That’s what the Tannenbaum Tout does – it gets you drunk and high while you just sit there like a potato.
So here are the plays that one of our members got down on last week and was nice enough to share with us. Without him, this recap wouldn’t have been written, and you would have saved 10 minutes of your life. As soon as he doesn’t want to send me results anymore, these recaps are done. No one here has any time to keep track, which is kind of silly when you realize the only reason this website exists is to sell winning NFL betting picks to people wanting advice.
Or maybe this whole thing has been one long PR campaign by the Maine Lobstermen’s Association to raise awareness for their delicious product? One day it’ll all make sense.
Now we move on to a new segment: “the quote of the week”, here’s an excerpt from one of the group chats:
SIN Member A: “How did we do last week?”
SIN Member B: “No clue. Great on game lines.”
SIN Member A: “I think the numbers were rock solid.”
SIN Member B: “I put 5k on them on Sunday and won $90.”
SIN Member A: “Weak. But a win is a win.”
I don’t know if it’s “great” or “scary” that people just get down blindly and assume they’ll win. Ummm let’s just go with “great”…for now…
To be clear, we have not verified the results below so feel free to fact check. And if you’re so inclined, send me the plays you make next week and the results and I’ll post them in the Week 3 recap. Yes – discounts sometimes flow to those friends of the site who help us out…we appreciate the team effort. Please keep in mind that last year WE sent out the plays and based the recaps on those and this year they’re based on SIN Member X’s plays…for as long as he wants to send them to us.
I asked if he wants me to shout him out and his response was,
Naw. I don’t tweet and don’t give a crap about followers. Just keep the sheets coming. Well ok then Holmie, we can do that…
Game Lines: 7-1*
Props: 23-25-3 (47.91%)
Bengals ML W
Buccaneers +3 W
Jaguars +1 W
Bills +7 L
Cowboys -3 W
Bears -4.5 W
Bears/Seahawks u43 W
Bears -4.5 x u43 (+2.6 Units) W
Cam Newton under 43.5 rushing yards -115 W
LeSean McCoy under 61.5 rushing yards -115 W
DeShaun Watson under 255.5 passing yards -115 L
Kareem Hunt under 71.5 rushing yards -125 L
Travis Kelce under 64.5 receiving yards -115 L
James Conner under 84.5 rushing yards -115 W
Zach Ertz under 5.5 receptions +100 L
Mike Evans over 5 receptions -130 W
Tyrod Taylor over 215.5 passing yards -130 W
Christian McCaffrey under 5.5 receptions +115 L
Devin Funchess under 4 receptions +115 L
Mohammed Sanu under 3.5 receptions +115 W
Keenan Allen under 6 receptions +110 PUSH
DeAndre Hopkins under 6.5 receptions +115 W
Tyreek Hill under 5 receptions +120 PUSH
Nelson Agholor under 5 receptions +120 L
Jarvis Landry under 6.5 +110 W
Michael Thomas under 6.5 +115 L
Marshawn Lynch under 51.5 rushing yards L
Demariyus Thomas over 5 receptions -125 PUSH
Brandin Cooks over 4 receptions -130 W
Blake Bortles under 20.5 completions +100 L
David Johnson under 45.5 receiving yards -115 W
Todd Gurley under 41.5 receiving yards -115 W
Cole Beasley under 4 receptions -125 W
Allen Hurns over 3 receptions -130 L
Dak Prescott under 22.5 rushing yards -115 L
Russell Wilson under 21.5 completions -120 L
Russell Wilson over 26.5 rushing yards -115 L
As you can see, last week’s prop results were below are usual average but that’s how it goes. These are advantage plays, therefore the system only works if backing them all, all the time. Then over the season the wins average out – it’s not rocket science.
Try it out this week for $40 if you want to win more money, or have someone to blame if you lose. Either way you can just sit there like a potato and let someone else do all the heavy lifting.