Was the New England / Jacksonville game ever really in doubt? Even a gambling dummy like myself knows that the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl this year and I even explained it for everyone a few weeks ago in my NFL Wildcard Weekend Recap. I know it’s hard for a lot of people to accept, but nobody is beating New England this year – sorry Philly fans, there’s just no way that Gronk and the boys are going to let this one slip away. Try not to let yourselves get too swept up in the nonsensical analysis of how the Eagles could actually win this game.
Both Brady and Belichick know that the curtain is lowering on their careers and they want to go out with a bang. They know more than anyone in the NFL how hard it is to get to the Super Bowl, and they also know how long the pain of losing one stays with you. Forget about getting over it by next September – Brady will think about those 2 loses to the Giants every day for the rest of his life. Also, there’s no way he’s taking the chance of losing in what is potentially his last Super Bowl appearance – he is ultra-competitive and absolutely wants to go out on a high note. So there you have it: an idiot’s opinion on why the New England Patriots are 100% winning the Super Bowl this year.
Now, could you talk me into the Eagles being a “better football story” and therefore “fate” (and the gambling gods) being on their side? Hmmm… I’d listen to you for a minute but then remind you that fairytales don’t actually come true. The guy doesn’t get the girl at the end of the movie, and no one lives happily ever after. Is it interesting that the Nick Foles saga could end up being one of the best pro football movies of all time? Yes. Could LeGarrette Blunt hand over some secrets behind that Brady Black Magic? Possible but doubtful. Ultimately, if you think that the Dark Lord of Football is going to get out-coached and let the Eagles win in potentially his last Super Bowl, you’re the kind of guy who bets on the Vikings to cover spreads in road playoff games and online sportsbooks love you.
This is how it will play out. The Eagles will look great in the first quarter and Foles will appear to be a stud who’s time has come, (10-0 after 1st quarter). Then things settle down in the 2nd quarter and no one really gets anything going, (17-6 after 2nd quarter). Then the 2nd half starts after Justin Timberlake has another embarrassing Super Bowl Malfunction and accidentally texts his dick picks to everyone in U.S. Bank Stadium while performing “Rock Your Body” – gonna have you naked by the end of this song! The Patriots slowly gain momentum and Gronk/Edleman/Guy You’ve Never Heard Of all go off for 100s of yards of receiving, and then finally there are 2 questionable penalties or non calls before a long field goal ends the Eagles’ storybook run. Pats win 30-27.
Side Note: If you watch the Youtube video above you’ll be reminded of how idiotic the claim is that NippleGate was an “accident”. Timberlake clearly reaches across Janet’s torso, firmly grabs a piece of her outfit, and then aggressively pulls at said piece of outfit….oh and that portion of her outfit that he violently tugs on was coincidentally designed to be easily removable?!!? WOW – what a shocking series of events!! Thank God she just happened to be wearing a 4 pound piece of decorative nipple jewelry that partially covered her nip, as well as made her look cool and fashionable to her millions of fans who had stopped buying her records years before. Soooo not planned.
To be crystal clear, if you’re the type of person who believes that NippleGate wasn’t totally staged by everyone involved, you’re the type of person who believes that the Eagles can win this game. How cute. Enjoy lighting your money on fire.
Reminder: I am a total idiot who knows nothing about football or gambling.
Luckily, I roll with someone who knows about both, and AnonymousGamblr got everyone paid again last week. Same ol’ same ol’ – nothing new. Grinding out wins week after week, just like clockwork.
Here’s every single play that was sent out to our members over the weekend:
Game Lines: 1-2
Patriots -7.5 -105 L
Vikings -3 +100 L
Vikings/Eagles o39 W
Props: 19 -13-1
Leonard Fournette (JAX) Rushing Yards o75.5 -110 W
Marquise Lee (JAX) Receptions u4 -120 P
Marquise Lee (JAX) Receiving Yards u52.5 -140 W
Keelan Cole (JAX) Receiving Yards u39.5 -140 W
Tom Brady (NE) Passing Yards o267.5 -135 W
Chris Hogan (NE) Receiving Yards o44.5 +140 L
Dion Lewis (NE) Receiving Yards u29.5 +150 L
Brandin Cooks (NE) Receptions o4 +110 W
Allen Hurns (JAX) Receiving Yards u35.5 -140 L
Dion Lewis (NE) Receptions u4 +105 L
Leonard Fournette (JAX) Receiving Yards u22.5 +100 W
TJ Yeldon (JAX) Rush+Receiving Yards u36.5 -115 W
Allen Hurns (JAX) Receiving Yards u30.5 -115 L
Dede Westbrook (JAX) Receiving Yards u39.5 -115 W
Dion Lewis (NE) Receiving Yards u30.5 -115 L
James White (NE) Rushing+Receiving u37.5 -115 W
Adam Thielen (MIN) Receptions u5.5 -115 W
Stefon Diggs (MIN) Receptions u5 -110 L
Kyle Rudolph (MIN) Receiving Yards u39.5 -115 W
Nelson Agholor (PHI) Receiving Yards u39.5 -115 L
Nigel Bradham (PHI) Tackles and Assists u6.5 -125 W
NE Patriots QBs Passing Yards -48.5 -140 v Bortles L
Brandin Cooks (NE) Receiving Yards o52.5 -120 W
Chris Hogan (NE) Receiving Yards o39.5 +106 L
Keelan Cole (JAX) Receptions o2.5 +128 L
Dede Westbrook (JAX) Receiving Yards u41.5 -126 W
Brandin Cooks (NE) Receptions o4 +100 W
Chris Hogan (NE) Receiving Yards o41.5 +110 L
Adam Thielen (MIN) Receptions u5.5 -115 W
Kyle Rudolph (MIN) Receptions u4 -129 W
Kyle Rudolph (MIN) Receiving Yards u35.5 -129 W
Marquise Lee (JAX) Receiving Yards u47.5 -125 W
Chris Hogan (NE) Receptions o3 +110 L
Game Lines: 83-59-7 (58.45%)
Props: 708-504-8 (58.42%)
Well, you only have ONE week left to make some cash with us gambling on football so if you’ve been on the fence about trying our betting system, now’s the time to act. Grab a friend who likes to bet, split the cost, and click below. At $29 this is by far the cheapest price on the internet for Super Bowl picks. Just imagine how angry you’ll be if you don’t buy this week and we close out the year with a Big Brady & Belichickesque Bang. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
And just how in the hell do you determine the odds of what color P!nk’s dress is going to be anyway?!?